In an absolute state of denial and wondering what I’m supposed to do.
I tried to call but for some reason I can’t get thru. It’s never happened before. I have never, ever drank myself into darkness but last night I did. Literally, drowned myself into a very deep pool of avarice, anger and wrath. A pool from which I’ll never emerge again.
I’m not even sure what happened. I had to read thru the messages on my phone last night and still I’m not really sure what happened. A part of me wants to go to him. Another part doesn’t want to give in and lose whatever little pride I have left.
I was so sure he’d come last night. So sure he’d show up when he knew where I was. But he never did. He didn’t even call. I kept messaging. And which each message I lost a little self-esteem, a little pride and gained more humility. Now my heart’s broken, my pride down to nought and a huge lesson in humility later, I’d still at square one.
I don’t know what to do, where to go. I want desperately to hear his voice, even if its just going to end up in a fight. At the least, I’ll know he’s there, willing to fight with me. Now there’s just nothing but the engaged tone. Its what I wanted right, for it to be over. Then why am I feeling so empty now?
No Comments Yet
No comments yet.
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
Leave a comment
