I’ve been mean and unkind. Doing nothing but complain about my dear sweet man. I must, at the onset, admit that the past few days with him have been nothing short of difficult. We’ve had small little arguments, misunderstandings, clashing of minds, the works. All culminated in the epic battle on Saturday that lasted all day and resulted in a night of drunken stupor for both of us, separately… Thus the last post.
We just spent many incredible hours together; talking, arguing, laughing, everything. We thrashed things out again and voiced our fears. And he came thru again, like he always does. That’s why its so hard to give up on him.\
To be fair to him, he’s a wonderful man in unusual ways. He treats me with kindness, patience and love. He may regularly do the wrong thing, but his intentions are never bad, although it can sometimes be hard to remember that.
I do wish certain things for him, but I never want him to change the person he is. It’s with him that I’ve learnt to be kinder, more tolerant. My outlook and who I am has changed. At the same time, I do wish he was a little more financially stable. I also wish he’d be a little more committed in certain ways.
Is he the one? I don’t know. Will he be ready? I don’t know. Will it last forever? I can’t tell. But like my friend, J, said, it’s an investment, if nothing else. If this does become only an investment, it would be the best investment I’ll ever make.
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A small part of me is still confused though. Not sure which way I’m inclined at this point. Clock’s ticking (paranoia thanks to J) and I’m wondering if its going to be worth the wait…